What it Takes to Get Out of the House with Two Under Two

 
So anyone with small children out there can probably relate to the fact that the task of physically getting everyone out of the house can feel like this:
Or this:
There are times where I decide not to leave my house simply because the thought of getting everyone ready and out the door is too overwhelming. And if I do go through with it, by the time we are all in the car I am covered in sweat and usually we are all in mild states of hysteria. 
If you don’t have children or are just a better parent than me, here’s why it’s often the hardest thing I do all day.

1. Because I have to shower, dress myself, and throw on some makeup while simultaneously keeping track of an infant and toddler. Which means the end result often looks like this:

2. Because I have to chase a toddler down, change her diaper, and put her in real clothing. This involves a nice half mile sprint around the house with various pieces of clothing half on her body, and a lot of tackling.
3. Because inevitably 30 seconds after I get the toddler fully dressed, she takes a massive poop. Every. Damn. Time.
4. After we go through the whole chasing/tackling/dressing process, I have to get her socks and shoes on. Which involves a lot more of this:
5. Because I foolishly attempt to do a quick tidy of the house so I don’t come home to the usual chaos, but then while I’m feeding Bobby right before we leave Ryland has free reign of the just tidied house.
6. Because right as we’re about to go out the door, I realize the diaper bag is completely out of almost everything. I try to hide in the closet to pack snacks, but Ryland susses me out like a Cheerios sniffing blood hound. And the second she sees food, it’s over.
7. Because after I’ve given Ryland a snack and actually packed the diaper bag (which involves running from room to room collecting the right size diapers and two outfit changes), I still have to get them both in coats and hats.
8. Because once everyone is bundled to within an inch of their lives, someone poops again.
9. Because hauling the kids into the garage, buckling two children into the car in two separate car seats, followed by hauling the ginormous double stroller into the trunk, followed by the huge, overstuffed diaper bag, followed by my own purse can feel like an Olympian endurance test.
10. Because then as I’m backing out of the garage I remember that the dog hasn’t been fed, given water, or let out.
11. Because then after I run inside, take care of the dog, come back to the car where two babies scream their heads off, and start to back out again, I see the trash cans lining the curb and realize we’ve forgotten trash day, again. And our trash can is full of dirty diapers.
12. Because when we finally get onto the street, we are an hour late to wherever we were trying to go.
All of this is why we rarely leave the house.

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